Why Grappling Matters
“Self-determination theory holds that human beings need three basic things in order to be content: they need to feel competent at what they do; they need to feel authentic in their lives; and they need to feel connected to others. These values are considered “intrinsic” to human happiness and far outweigh “extrinsic” values such as beauty, money and status.”
– Sebastian Junger
As our world grows more superficial, instantly gratifying, and self-glorifying, cultivating true self-determination becomes ever more challenging. Never have we been so distracted, nor so uncertain of what is genuinely meaningful. I believe most people come to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu with more casual intentions; they’ve always wanted to try a martial art, are curious, or want to invest in their health and fitness. I have found that many who decide to stay beyond the typical 18 month mark say they’re “addicted” but often cannot find the words to express what makes it so compelling. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is a very difficult art to learn, even when taught well. It is a complex entanglement of theory and practice. It also demands that one exercise their self-determination, a quality that seems to erode within society with every new comfort we adopt.
Our modern privilege has softened us to believe that everything should feel safe, easy and pleasant. We all fall into this trap—I do too—because the world constantly nudges us toward comfort over growth. Stress is something that “happens” to us, it is an unfortunate external offense, not something we can engage with to sharpen our autonomy and internal instincts. I’ve witnessed many personal sparks being lit in the throes of training. Students who latently learn that BJJ manifests the various ways they are getting pummeled in life (at the job, at school or at home), then exercise their responses to those challenges. Their sense of internal conviction grows stronger and they evolve out of their inertia. They begin to self-express, find better jobs, align with people who value them more. They choose to be seen, and in turn see others. Those of us who train together develop an unspoken trust and camaraderie with one another.
There is a mutual respect for the will to fight, to learn from our mistakes and to celebrate our wins. Grappling is not for the faint of heart; it would be easier “not to”. But there is a sense of aliveness that is cultivated from our daily suffering that quietly reminds you what it means to live, and with every small success – what thriving feels like. It’s not a practice I ever imagined would be so integral to my physical and mental health, and it’s not something I will neglect to expose my children to. There are few things in our lifetime that will ever be certain. The least I can do is to try and model what self-determination looks like for my family and to help instill the value in them.
I believe it’s important to invest in cultivating character. It is so tempting to just sit back and be entertained by other people pursuing their own Hero’s Journey over embarking on our own. The mats offer you the opportunity to safely live at your bleeding edge and be pushed to your limits to test who you really are. After training ends, when we go home to take a shower and put our regular clothes on, our reality is that much brighter and more tolerable because we opted to be dynamically invested, to not passively allow ourselves to weaken. We must choose to generate competence, embrace what we authentically experience and integrate with the community that offers us this arena. It’s our responsibility as humans to own this process for ourselves. And while we may feel that we suffer in the hours we train, we benefit deeply from the little micro battles we fight—everyday.